


Jokes and Tales

by Seajay1234



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 15:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21430795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seajay1234/pseuds/Seajay1234
Summary: The SMH crew recount some of their old high school pranks.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	Jokes and Tales

**Author's Note:**

> Here's to my first OMGCP fic ever and first fic in about 5 years. Let me know your thoughts or any corrections you see!

“You have got to be kidding me, there is no way you were able to pull something like that off!” Dex’s exasperated voice carried through the Haus and into the kitchen. Bitty was just putting the finishing touches on the fifth pie, maple apple this time, of the weekend, but knew he would have to go defuse the situation in the living room before Dex and Nursey really started squabbling.

“Dude, chill, why would you say that? Just because I didn’t work at my uncle’s car shop during the school year doesn’t mean I couldn’t google a few things.” Bitty could hear Nursey’s tone turning towards defensive, so he quickly placed the pie in the oven and walked into the living room, setting the alarm on his phone as he went.

“You’re telling me you removed an airbag from some junker, refit, rewired, installed it in a couch cushion, and blasted your buddy into the ceiling all by looking stuff up on Google?” Incredulous was the only way to describe Dex’s voice at this point and the look on his face matched perfectly.

“Yeah brah, reddit is a beautiful, scary place.” Nursey reached over to fist bump Shitty’s outstretched hand. Lardo and Shitty were lazily draped over each other on the new couch that replaced the green monstrosity and whilst Shitty gave an indignant shriek when he first saw it gone, his relaxed posture on the new furniture gave away his true feelings on the matter. Nursey leaned with his back against the couch, legs stretched out underneath the coffee table. Chowder sat to his left, elbows on the table, rolling his eyes at the latest addition to the Nursey/Dex spat. 

Ransom and Holster were stretched out on a pile of blankets and pillows that had been pulled from the upstairs linen closet that had slowly started to gain more and more items as Bitty’s tenure in the haus continued. Jack was lounging in the only armchair in the room, and with no other reasonable space available Bitty sunk to the armrest of the chair and into Jack’s lap before asking, “And what is it exactly that reddit taught you to do Mr. Nurse? Because from what I gained from Dex’s description is that you were pulling some Looney Tunes shenanigans on some poor soul.”

“Chirp chirp Bitty, and just a prank I pulled on a buddy last summer, we’ve had a friendly prank war the past few years and this was the culmination. His mom told me I was dead if we ever played another prank on each other to this scale. Strictly jumpscares and ‘harmless’ pranks from now on.” The lazy smile that graced Nursey’s lips told a deeper story than ‘just a prank war between friends.’

“Oh lord, do I want to know the details?” 

“Not too much to tell bro, saw a video of some dude being blasted into the air from an airbag placed in a couch cushion and figured I could do it too. I had to get Caleb back for his fucking Blair Witch copy bullshit. Shitty, if you show them that video I will kill you.” Nursey shot a glare to Shitty who started to snicker.

“I would do no such thing Nurse, although it is pretty fucking hilarious. Give it another year or two and you’ll find it hilarious too.” 

“Blair Witch copy? Nah bro, that’s not cool.” Ransom chimed in. “Perfectly reasonable to retaliate if it scared you as much as it would have scared me.”

“My thoughts exactly. Hence the reason I agreed to his mom’s request as long as he deleted all his personal copies of my reaction on his person. I was tired of screenshots being sent to me as retaliation for a chirp.” Nursey sunk further to the floor, arms crossed. “This fucker,” indicating Shitty, “saw them all the time on the old league chat from high school.”

“Yeah, Caleb abused the shit out of that fucking glorious video, but bro I have never seen you move so fucking fast on the ice or off in it, without landing on your face too. Fucking classic.” Shitty’s smile grew.

“Well, now I feel like we need to see this video,” Bitty started, “but I understand it’s an open wound Derek. But pranks are meant to be harmless. I’m sure y’all have gotten into some shenanigans before. Lord, you should hear about some of the things I got up to in highschool.”

“You played pranks?” Jack looked up at Bitty, small hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Well Mr. Zimmerman, when your closest friends are the drama department you tend to get into all kinds of mischief when they’re bored. You can’t tell me you never got up to anything in your youth?”

“Eh, no? I was busy with hockey stuff. Didn’t really have the time to be pulling pranks on folks.” Jack’s eyebrows pulled in with confusion, “Pranks usually take a lot of time right?”

“Depends on what you’re doing,” Lardo answered. “The art kids used to do shit all the time too, it was much more fun to mess with the teachers that actually do our homework sometimes. My freshman year of high school, a group of us offered to do some painting work for one of the janitors if he let us borrow his keys for the night. We then proceeded to steal our history teacher’s desks and hide them in various other teachers’ classrooms. The next morning he and his class had to go on a scavenger hunt to find them on the last day of school.” 

“Wow, why did you decide on that?” Chowder’s eyes lit up with awe and admiration for Lardo.

“He made the mistake of telling us about how at his previous school had a group of kids that would prank him every year and he was looking forward to not having his desk on the roof that year. So we decided to modify it and hide all of his students desks inside the building instead.”

“That is so fucking brilliant.” Shitty said quietly looking down at Lardo. “Remind me to never piss you off too much, I already lose shit on my own.”

“Our 8th grade English class had a small spat with the Math class that same hour which eventually evolved into a tping with a water balloon attack in retaliation after a month of the two teacher’s ribbing each other.” Holster chimed in. “The principal obviously had to give us and the teachers a talking to, but she had a smile on her face the entire time.”

“Nice bro, the seniors from our freshman year at Samwell stole a literal tree out of the Dean’s yard and replanted it in the LAX field,” Ransom added. “You have to remember that one, right Jack?”

“I vaguely remember that, happened during a kegster right?” Jack asked.

Ransom and Holster shared a knowing look, “It may have been spurred on by the frogs of that year, but we’ll never tell.”

“But, Bitty, you pulled pranks too? Amazing.” Chowder’s eyes grew with every subsequent story from his hausmates.

“Yeah Bits, what amazing tales did you get up to? Bake a scandalous pie and give it to the school board or something?” Dex chirped, obviously calmed from earlier.

“Nothing quite as exhilarating as that Dex, we did a couple of smaller scale ones and went up from there my senior year. First one was placing about 250 water cups in the Athletic Director’s office after he acquired permission for more school funding, pulling from the already small theatre budget. Next, we ordered 6,000 bamboo sporks and stabbed them in the football practice fields, creating a sea of spork ends in the air. The players would not shut up about having to pick them all up, bless their hearts.”

“Those have been done quite a lot Bittle, I've even heard of those.” Jack interrupted.

“I am not finished. We didn’t do this one, but someone released three pigs in the school labelled one, two, & four my junior year. Administration was on the hunt all day trying to find number three, got out of school early for that one.” Bitty giggled, before turning serious, “This last one though is my crowning achievement and personal mark in Madison High School’s history books. For the year after my junior year I would bake and sell pies at the farmer’s market and throughout the school year, and I would take twenty percent of that and head to the local Dollar General and purchase as many cheapo alarm clocks that I could find.”

Chowder’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Alarm clocks? Why woul-”

“Let me finish. As I was saying, I would go buy alarm clocks, and my two cohorts, Maddie and Jake, would do so as well with their coffee shop and lawn mowing money. By the end of the year we had amassed 2,478 clocks, the Dollar General Manager told me corporate was so confused by clocks selling at twenty times higher rates than everywhere else and he had to explain after the fact that it was due to three high school students. Lord knows I would have been confused about something like that. I made sure to bake him a sympathy/please be quiet pie in order to make sure this prank went off without a hitch. Because if he told anyone it would have ruined the surpr-”

“Bittle, focus.” Jack cut in.

“Oh, right. So anyway, a lot of clocks were purchased in preparation for this prank. The week before school ended we ‘borrowed’ the old, forgetful, janitor’s keys whilst he was distracted with some baked goods and went to the hardware store to create copies of the master keys for the building, lockers, and utility panels. Now, our school isn’t that large and we had a lot of clocks, we had to get creative.”

“For what?” Lardo asked, a glint in her eyes and mischievous tilt of a grin on her lips telling she at least knew what general direction the story was going.

“Well, first we had to place batteries in the ones that required them and make sure that they were all working. Then we set them in such a way to go off in fifteen minute intervals throughout the day, starting five minutes into the first hour. We then proceeded to hide the clocks in every conceivable space we could find, with no particular order, by the time we hid them all we had no idea what time they would go off. These hiding places were a mixture of obvious, not-so-obvious, and downright devious. My personal favorites were inside a wall socket that had space, behind the classroom clock, and underneath a fake potted plant.” Bitty’s smile grew with each detail of his speech, eyes shining with fond remembrance and glee.

“This whole operation took several hours, but we hid every single one of those clocks and did it well. We finally left the school at about three in the morning, went home, passed out, woke up the next morning in sore need of more sleep, and went to school early so we could double check that none of the hallway clocks were too obvious. And then we waited. Maddie, Jake, and I had first hour together, and when the first clock went off, a good portion of the class jumped. The teacher found it pretty quick as it was under a pile of papers on her desk, but then you could hear the clocks going off in the other sections of the school including one we had outside in the hallway. They were all found relatively fast and silenced, the teacher said “That’s a good one, haven’t seen one like that in a couple years.””

The entire room was enraptured with Bitty’s story at this point, various levels of awe on their faces. Chowder was still for once, not bouncing with anticipation like usual. Bitty’s hands moved with varied levels of excitement as he continued talking.

“Class went back to normal, but the three of us kept glancing at the clock, not so subtly, but it was presentation day for one of the groups in class, so the teacher barely noticed. And then the next round of clocks went off, the one we could hear was obviously in the vent system, so it more echoed into the room, but the bug eyed look on the teacher’s face was perfect. It was a mix of dread, amusement, and disbelief. That round of clocks was silenced and the presentation continued. And one more final round of clocks went off just as the hour was ending and students filed out to the hallway.”

“That’s when the real magic happened, obviously clocks had been going off in all parts of the building and now a few lockers had clocks going off as well. Students and faculty alike were pulling clocks out of various spots and turning them off. One of the adults had obviously let the administration office know because the school secretary brought down the mail cart and the faculty put all the clocks they had found on it. It was decently full already, but it was just the start of the day. For the rest of the day, every fifteen minutes, a group of clocks would go off and students and faculty would have to go on a hunt for them. No one could completely focus on classes and most teachers had to turn their classes into study halls, cause if they started teaching new materials they would have to pause when the clocks went off.”

“They had to call a meeting at the end of the day to see if they needed an extra day of class to make up for it. Thank goodness they didn’t, I would have felt horrible, but I think everyone in the school felt more prepared for finals than ever. We got an extra day of just asking questions to the teachers and clarifications on a lot of things. They sent out an email that Friday to everyone on the school list first reprimanding the entire school, imploring them to come forward with information about the pranksters if they knew anything, and secondly to offer free alarm clocks to anyone who would want them.” Bitty was cackling by the end of the story.

Shitty looked like he was about to kiss Bitty, “You glorious motherfucker, did you ever get caught?”

“No one had any idea it was little ole me beside Maddie and Jake, who were also in on it, so we came away with no repercussions. Helped that the school hadn’t gotten the budget for a camera system, they did shortly after though. This prank is a legendary one at our school now, nothing has been able to touch it yet as far as I know. They probably still have a utility closet full of clocks.”

“I don’t know to be more scared of Lardo or Bitty.” Nursey whispered. 

“Both.” Dex answered, fully distracted from Nursey’s earlier tale.

The rest of the night continued with tales from high school and fresh pie as it finished baking in the oven. Stories flowed easily and Bitty couldn’t help but feel full of love for his Samwell Family.

**Author's Note:**

> If you need any help in the planning of the pranks mentioned, let me know. They have all been pulled by yours truly. I was a Theatre, Art, and Teacher's kid, so I had all the boredom and access to keys that I needed.


End file.
